Posted in Surge


And the pain begins again,

Pulsing, sweeping, biting, burning,

Pushing through my veins, my muscles, my bones.

Twisting and turning, it gathers momentum,

Feeling like poison, intensifying,

Stripping me of all reason, all sense

Until sounds, smells, sights

Overpower me and make me hold my head in distress,

Gripping my skull, pulling my hair to see if doing it will release me from this tourniquet of black.

This vice, this unbearable and relentless cycle of

Sleep, rest, wake, move, pain, sleep, rest, move, pain.

Not bothering for one moment, not considering for a millisecond

That this will hurt, that this will make me cry, curl up into a ball and hide away from those I love.

It pushes me closer to the edge of sanity, testing me, seeing if I’ll break;

And still it goes on, and the warm glug seems to caress my every cell,

Ok, surrounds; it’s not that loving nor kind.

Nerve ending wince, cowering away, hoping not to be seen,

Hiding in the recesses, behind my heart.

I catch my breath. Every vibration jars my skin.

Pinpricks, bruises, flu, ache, fire, smoulder.

All these and then so much more;

No let up until I drift into a drug induced sleep,

Praying as my body twitches that slumber will stop my bones ,

Stop my whole body from hurting.

And if my words, strange, unpleasant as they are,

If my words reach you, if you see yourself reflected,

Then I’m here, and I’ll hold you close to me…




There's always stuff in life we're not sure of. I'm thankful , and eternally grateful, to have a love for God. Yes, I've put my life, my family, my everyday existence, into God's more than capable hands. Some would say I'm mad, some would pooh pooh the idea... As General Melchett once remarked in Blackadder Goes Forth.."You know, if there's one thing I've learnt from being in the Army, it's never ignore a pooh-pooh. I knew a Major, who got pooh-poohed, made the mistake of ignoring the pooh-pooh. He pooh-poohed it! Fatal error! 'Cos it turned out all along that the soldier who pooh-poohed him had been pooh-poohing a lot of other officers who pooh-poohed their pooh-poohs. In the end, we had to disband the regiment. Morale totally destroyed... by pooh-pooh!" So, have a read, have a think. I don't have all the answers, but I know a man who has ;-)

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